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Advice for People Who Are About to Receive Feedback
As valuable as feedback is, the idea that you’re going to receive some can create a tense, unpleasant feeling in your gut. That’s why people are fond of saying, "Feedback is the breakfast of champions." Not only is feedback essential for you to perform at your best, it takes a certain amount of inner strength to deal with the anxiety of receiving it, so you can digest what you've heard.
Feedback is often positive. It's helpful to know that others believe you're on track. It can give you extra confidence to continue pushing hard in these directions. And it’s gratifying to be appreciated!
However, some feedback can be difficult to accept, especially if it's negative. The key to receiving feedback well is to appreciate the people who give it. They may not be sure how to deliver it in a constructive way, and they may be concerned about how you’ll react. Giving feedback takes a fair amount of caring, skill and courage. They care about the success of the group, and they’re hoping you’ll make an honest effort to change behaviors they perceive as harmful or counterproductive. Remember that the feedback has the potential to benefit you personally.
You may not be aware that your behavior is causing problems. If this is so, it’s in your best interests to find out what’s causing the issue, so you can work on specific improvements. You certainly don’t want to be derailed by the way you work with others! If you accept feedback in a positive, constructive way, the people who work around you are more likely to give you this valuable information again in the future. You can't expect them to tell you about substantial issues if they aren't sure you'll appreciate or use the information.
The best way to defuse your defensiveness is to first give yourself credit for your strengths, then look for areas where you can improve. Feedback can help make you stronger and more successful. As you receive it, you'll see that feedback comes in four flavors:
1. Feedback about known areas of strength. It affirms personal strengths you were already aware of.
2. New information about areas of strength. A pleasant surprise, this affirms personal strengths you were not conscious of.
3. Feedback about known areas for improvement. It suggests areas for development you were already aware of—and perhaps were already working on.
4. New information about areas for improvement. This revelation can be an unpleasant surprise, because it suggests areas for development that you didn’t know about.
Typically, the fourth kind of feedback is the hardest to accept. People may want you to change an area of behavior that you thought was adequate or strong. And yet, this kind of constructive feedback is potentially the most valuable. It reveals “blind spots" in your self-awareness, which you can now evaluate and improve.
It's important that you don't react to these suggestions with anger, hurt, denial or defensiveness. You may feel some of these things, but these feelings will pass. Remember, neither you nor anyone else is perfect. Even champions are constantly working on certain aspects of their performance. We’re all involved in a lifelong journey toward self-improvement—or should be.
Some advice: if you sense you’re feeling defensive or upset about constructive feedback, postpone expressing your reaction. Avoid talking about it until you've had time to calm down. Think about how important this information is. Consider how hard it must have been to give the feedback, and realize that any information you get is a gift. Without it you may not be able to achieve your success goals. Once you accept what’s been offered to you, you can analyze it rationally and think about how to improve specific areas of your performance.
Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., CEO, Performance Support Systems
Dave Erdman, President, Vital Learning Corporation
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